And after ALL this time....Suburbia Tomorrow....

After EVERYTHING....
After the Urban Legends....
Even after the Urban Myths  ....
After the comings and goings of cars and tables and boyfriends and parties ...
and apartments by the dozen...
of SHOULD I's...
and COULD I's....
and plants dying...
and Parents crumbling....
and sweet doggies being put to sleep...
After the Rib Roasts...
and the Whole Foods...
And the Yoga...
And the Kosher Nosh....lol
After the Bar Mitzvahs and the Weddings...
and the Funerals and the Divorces...
After the SHULS and the SCHOOLS .....
and the POOLS and the RULES......
and the Trips.......and the Music.....yeah...THE MUSIC...
After the DRAMA and the BLISS and the HEARTACHE and the UTTER CHAOS......
and after the LAUGHTER...
The TORRENTS OF PURE, UNDILUTED LAUGHTER...

When ALL is said and done....

Fay Toby Gotesman and Brendan Isaac Schneier are finally :

IN DAAA HOUUUSE......
 

JUST DESSERTS...

Funny thing.....
It seems to me that "JUST DESSERTS are neither SWEET enough...
nor JUST enough ....
to be labeled "Just Desserts"....
Nonetheless.....
Dessert is SERVED....
And is the JUST DESSERT served BEST "COLD" ????
When does the "punishment" long surpass "the crime" ?
What is RETRIBUTION ???
Is it a DIVINE ORDER ?
or...
Is it simply US beating OURSELVES over our DAFT HEADS.....
with a RED, DENSE BRICK ....
in order to somehow LOOSEN a modicum of REGRET ?
(The REGRET PARTICLE has been buried beneath SINEW and BRAIN "MATTER" for a VERY long time!)
 "EXPOSED BRICK" comes to mind somehow...

In any case, MUST we FORGIVE ourselves for MIS-DEEDS ??
for MIS-STEPS ?
Were they INDEED MIS-ANYTHINGS ????
Isn't everything EXACTLY as it should be ?
(What IDIOT said that ??)
Turkey and Stuffing and Tryptophan...
Mis-sed TRIPS to ITALY and SWITZERLAND....
AND FLORIDA !!!!
EXPOSED BRICK indeed...
Movers...Shakers....
DIATRIBE....
Assistant Rabbis...Garage Attendants...
HOLIDAYS confusing our ALREADY-SPENT capabilities....
Turkeys, in fact, stuffed with POTATO PANCAKES....
Which holiday is it again ????
Yellow Boxes and Red Books and Blue Hats....
Maserati...Benz....Whaaaat ???

And our lovely Hair...the color of Cinnamon and Nutmeg...

Yup....





 

Privacy or What ???

We ask ourselves throughout our lives....
time and time again...

Is being ALONE "LONELY"?

OR...

Is it GRAND ?

Does curling up and watching a great, old movie.>>>>> ALONE
LOSE SOMETHING without the very SPECIFIC feel of a MAN "spooning" you at the same time ?

Is COMPROMISE WISE ?
Is SHARING necessarily BETTER ???
more meaningful somehow ?

And what if the compromise is SO COMPROMISING ........
that you YOURSELF get lost in the shuffle of MEDIOCRITY ?
of GREY AREA ??

Is there room in ANYONE'S CAVE for an EQUAL ?
Or is every union really somewhat LOPSIDED,,,,,
 hence FILLING the inevitable, PREGNANT SCIZM of UNEVEN DISTRIBUTION
with words and hands and food and bathwater ???
and SEX ??

Wouldn't it be SIMPLER somehow to just HAVE the hands, food, and SEX
WITHOUT
committing to enormously HEIGHTENED LEVELS OF COMPROMISE ???

What say you ?



 

On "Judgement"...

Yes, my friends....
Like it or not....We JUDGE....
Interestingly, the concept of "JUDGEMENT" has taken on very negative connotations...

But let's face it, Watson....
We are not perpetually in a state of Savasana... (Corpse Pose)...
where we've been ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY attempting to EMPTY OURSELVES of ALL things TANGIBLE..
Life is not one big YOGA MAT...

 In reality, our ability to JUDGE is simply a human mechanism
 which serves as our Intellectual and Moral GUIDE....
OF COURSE, we judge...
We judge OTHERS on their CHOICES, their LOOKS, their TASTE, their RELATIONSHIPS...
For God's sake.....EVERYTHING we do is motivated by some level of JUDGEMENT...
And it goes without saying, (sadly, I suppose)
that we spend 150% of our time JUDGING OURSELVES...
(in most cases, pretty damn harshly!)

So...my message on this Veteran's Day, 2013 ?

Perhaps RETHINK your perception of "JUDGEMENT"...
And cut yourself a little slack......
 

A Plethora of Choices...

Too many to count...
Flying at me like Whirling Dervishes...
Houses...Castles....
A RED Roof...
A Cobblestone walkway...
Swiss Cheese...
Contests...
REALLY YOUNG MEN...
OLD-ish ones...
(with probable SAGGY TUSHIES!)
ewwww
Highlights...Lowlights...
Funky...Classic....
ELVIS COSTELLO...
KENNY ROGERS ??
Whaaat ?
Facebook...
Twitter...
Italy...
(Italy's a No-Brainer!!) 
ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS...
ENGLEWOOD PROPER....
Do I ?
Can I ?
WILL I ?
9 months to decide ?????
Like a PREGNANCY....
Is 9 months a LONG TIME ?
Or just the "bat of an eyelash"?
NOT a FALSE EYELASH...


 

The Hunt for FABULOUS....

First and foremost, let me say that JEWS DO NOT HUNT.....(fact!)
It is simply "not done", generally speaking...
Indeed, we have very strict  codes in place with regard to the most "merciful killing" of animals...
Having said all of the above....
I, MYSELF, have been involved in a HUNT as of late...
NOT a hunt for ANIMALS...Nooooo...God forbid!
Rather, a hunt for a HOUSE...
A labor-intensive, stress inducing chase to the ultimate finish line...
(The finish line being a FABULOUS HOUSE in a FABULOUS LOCATION....
with FABULOUS NEIGHBORS,,,,FABULOUS APPLIANCES....
and of course....a FABULOUSLY LOW PRICE!)
Well...
I'm here to report that the HUNT FOR FABULOUS is NOT without its problems, hindrances, and obstacles,,,,
AU CONTRAIRE...
THIS Road is chock-full of TINY, LITTLE, IDIOSYNCRATIC HOO HAA!
What COLOR is your HAIR ?
How BLUE is your BLOOD ?
What IF ...
Then WHAT ???
They are SO CAREFUL, that they end up SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT...
Hence becoming STUCK in the QUAGMIRE OF PICKYOOOONY- ness....
 STUCK, I tell you !!!!
with CHEAP FIXTURES and REALLY OLD OVENS and PLUMBING that is SO ARCHAIC
that one must, quite literally, LEAVE THE HOUSE in order to SHOWER...
Whaaaaat ???!!!


 

Old Friends....New Friends....

They come and go...
The FUN ones...
The HOT ones...
The MEAN ones....
The CRAZY ones...
People saunter in and out of your life with frequency and commitment to the
"NON-COMMITAL STANCE"...
And some STAY the distance...
They park their tattered and war-torn vehicles in the "HALL OF Long-Term Gobbledygook"...
And they STAY...
Getting Ticketed, Booted,,,,,TOWED EVEN....
Their commitment to the GREATER PICTURE of FRIENDSHIP and BLISS is...
UNWAVERING....
They are NON-PLUSSED by Societal Meandering and Yodeling...
They bring baskets full of BAGELS...
tied with RED and YELLOW ribbon...
All-the-while knowing FULL WELL that the scrumptious,
 Heaps of
DOUGH and WHITE FLOUR
score a BIG ZERO on the scoreboard of ALL THINGS  NUTRITIONAL...
And yet...
As you spread the "buttered love" on the obsequious, and UNDER-APPRECIATED objects...
you smile, a bitter-sweet, ever-so-delicate smile....
 remembering a time, not so very long ago....
 when you REALLY BELIEVED that
FRIENSHIP was FOREVER...
that LOVE was EVERYTHING....
And so it goes...