The Hunt for FABULOUS....

First and foremost, let me say that JEWS DO NOT HUNT.....(fact!)
It is simply "not done", generally speaking...
Indeed, we have very strict  codes in place with regard to the most "merciful killing" of animals...
Having said all of the above....
I, MYSELF, have been involved in a HUNT as of late...
NOT a hunt for ANIMALS...Nooooo...God forbid!
Rather, a hunt for a HOUSE...
A labor-intensive, stress inducing chase to the ultimate finish line...
(The finish line being a FABULOUS HOUSE in a FABULOUS LOCATION....
with FABULOUS NEIGHBORS,,,,FABULOUS APPLIANCES....
and of course....a FABULOUSLY LOW PRICE!)
Well...
I'm here to report that the HUNT FOR FABULOUS is NOT without its problems, hindrances, and obstacles,,,,
AU CONTRAIRE...
THIS Road is chock-full of TINY, LITTLE, IDIOSYNCRATIC HOO HAA!
What COLOR is your HAIR ?
How BLUE is your BLOOD ?
What IF ...
Then WHAT ???
They are SO CAREFUL, that they end up SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT...
Hence becoming STUCK in the QUAGMIRE OF PICKYOOOONY- ness....
 STUCK, I tell you !!!!
with CHEAP FIXTURES and REALLY OLD OVENS and PLUMBING that is SO ARCHAIC
that one must, quite literally, LEAVE THE HOUSE in order to SHOWER...
Whaaaaat ???!!!


 

Old Friends....New Friends....

They come and go...
The FUN ones...
The HOT ones...
The MEAN ones....
The CRAZY ones...
People saunter in and out of your life with frequency and commitment to the
"NON-COMMITAL STANCE"...
And some STAY the distance...
They park their tattered and war-torn vehicles in the "HALL OF Long-Term Gobbledygook"...
And they STAY...
Getting Ticketed, Booted,,,,,TOWED EVEN....
Their commitment to the GREATER PICTURE of FRIENDSHIP and BLISS is...
UNWAVERING....
They are NON-PLUSSED by Societal Meandering and Yodeling...
They bring baskets full of BAGELS...
tied with RED and YELLOW ribbon...
All-the-while knowing FULL WELL that the scrumptious,
 Heaps of
DOUGH and WHITE FLOUR
score a BIG ZERO on the scoreboard of ALL THINGS  NUTRITIONAL...
And yet...
As you spread the "buttered love" on the obsequious, and UNDER-APPRECIATED objects...
you smile, a bitter-sweet, ever-so-delicate smile....
 remembering a time, not so very long ago....
 when you REALLY BELIEVED that
FRIENSHIP was FOREVER...
that LOVE was EVERYTHING....
And so it goes...

A GOOD Toby Story......

When's the last time you guys heard a good TOBY story ???
Here's one:
After an ENDLESS DAY of JUGGLING MINUTIA, I was on my way home, and stopped on a hill behind a black car...
The guy was literally just sitting there playing with his phone...
I could not get by, so I honked 2x...
He then turned his POLICE LIGHTS on and drove away...
A few minutes later, lo and behold, he is behind me, siren ...going...
I pull over,,,he comes over to the car,,,
and he says, "LICENSE AND REGISTRATION"...
I go, "ARE YOU SERIOUS ???"
He goes "DEAD SERIOUS"...
I go, "Listen, pal, you were sitting in the middle of the road not moving...
just playing with your phone....Had I KNOWN you were a cop, I would not have honked at all, but WHY NOT honk at some random guy blocking traffic for no reason?"
He goes, "I don't care"
I go, "THIS SMELLS AND FEELS LIKE ENTRAPMENT....Look me dead in the eye and tell me I did something SITATION-WORTHY":
I go on to say: "I'm gonna get you for this...It smacks of entrapment and ANTISEMITISM!"
He goes, "Whaaaaaatttt ???? Antisemitism ???? Where did you come up with that ????"
I go, "Im a Jewish woman driving a Mercedes an hour before Shabbos...
I wasn't speeding...I wasn't on the phone...I did not honk excessively...
What, SIR, would YOU label this as ?"
He goes, "OK OK... Relaxxxxx....It's just a warning..no ticket..."
I go, "A warning against WHAT ???"
He goes, "Go home, and please forget this whole incident ....MYBAD..."

On Teeny, Tiny Oranges....(and Life)...

As I actually, literally REVELED in the FLAVOR and SUCCULENCE
of a very TINY, PERFECT orange...
it dawned upon me , with utter clarity....
that sweet, succulent moments...
are indeed few and far between...
That EVERYTHING GOOD is fleeting...
Interestingly, this reality only seems to pertain  to POSITIVE times...
For it would appear that the BAD TIMES strrrrrretch on.....
often times without an end in site....

So...
WHY am I writing about something as trivial and non-negotiably inconsequential as an  ORANGE, you ask ???
Not to worry, dear readers !
I am not looking to embark upon some theory of quasi-existential "nonsense"....
I am not admonishing YOU, or even MYSELF, for not APPRECIATING LIFE....blah blah...

Rather....
I am simply, humbly suggesting....
 that PERHAPS....
 we should attempt to HOLD ON to these droplets of extraordinary SUGAR....
even for just a little longer than our comfort levels allow...

What would that look like ?

There was a Blue Haze Over Everything Today....

The Haze came NOT from the recent Equinox...
Nor did it appear to stem from any specific weather pattern...
Rather...
This somewhat smoky, decidedly ethereal, "entity" appeared to be JUST THAT...
Some sort of Heavenly Body....
A Spirit perhaps...
For she knew FULL WELL that NOBODY else was experiencing it...
Just SHE...
She stood next to the river, drinking iced tea...contemplating...
And her BLUE "friend" floated just above her ....
Hearkening somehow...

On Tragedy....

What constitutes TRAGEDY ?

Is it 2 planes hitting 2 buildings and exploding on impact, killing and maiming countless people ?

Is it the bodies that were buried alive beneath the rubble and debris of the Twin Towers, never to be found ?

Is it the SHIFT in society which occurred just immediately after the crashes ?

Is it the fact that we now have to UN-dress in order to board a flight ?

Is it that EVERYWHERE we turn, there are policemen, rendering this place an essential POLICE STATE ?

Is it TRAGIC that our "revered INTELLIGENCE" didn't KNOW ?

How about the fact that we literally CRINGE at the site of a TURBAN ???
Is that TRAGIC ?

What constitutes a TRAGEDY ?

On this Misty day....

She felt the cold thud of raindrops falling on her shoulders and face as she ran for the car...

The rain was hard...BLUNT against her skin...

And the day was hot...humid...

So much so that the condensation created a veritable CLOUD of SMOKE sizzling UP out of the streets....

Something about this site made her feel sentimental....nostalgic...wistful even..

Summer was done....Just like that....

The carefree, barefooted days were being replaced imminently with short , dark ones...

There would be Beef Stew and Hot Chocolate....

No more Pink Lemonade....

She brushed a TEAR from her face...

At least she THOUGHT it was a TEAR..

Perhaps it was simply a lone raindrop, clinging ever-so-tightly to her still SUN-KISSED cheeks...