She just could NOT get SETTLED....

What was it exactly that was standing in her way ?

Was it the boxes of "stuff" still waiting to be unpacked ?
Was it the sheer confluence of space which felt almost superfluous to her?
Was it the "realization of a dream"?
The Fantasy becoming the Reality ?
Was it the fact that she had SUCH a hard time GIFTING herself with ANYTHING ?
For example:
The easel(s) should ABSOLUTELY go into the DINING ROOM....
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT...
That's where the MAGIC would happen...
the sunlight...the brick....the pure CHI of the spot really...
But in her almost "Stockholm Syndrome-ish" way, she felt that she was actually
BETRAYING the DINING TABLE !!!!

Hellllloooo !!!

The DINING TABLE did not have feelings!!!!
(Except in Shamanism!) 
 LOL

And EVEN THOUGH she had effortlessly set up the dining table in the
 LOVELY and AMPLE KITCHEN ....

The woman felt GUILTY 100% of the time...
What was THAT ???

Her "Child of Holocaust Survivors" upbringing ??
Her Judaism ?
Her Mistaken Marriages ?
Somebody needed to SHAKE THIS WOMAN but good !!!

ENOUGH already....

 

I won't insult you with the "Let's be GRATEFUL" Vitriol....

I mean....COME ON....
There are PLENTY of people in this "great country" who are DYING for a break...
a smidgen of LUCK....
a bit of LOVE even....
There are people who are simply DYING...
Should THEY be GRATEFUL ??
For WHAT exactly ?
And who, prey tell, are WE, to FORCE our PATRONIZING PLATITUDES upon them ??

Nor will I Re-Hammer the story of the Pilgrims making their arduous way to Freedom and Democracy...
(YAWN)
Do we THINK we live in a DEMOCRACY ???
Last time I checked, the MAYOR of New York was DICTATING (emphasis on DICK!)
what he THINKS our level of POLYUNSATURATED FAT INTAKE should be....
Democracy ?
Oligarchy maybe ?

This year, for the first time in MANY years,
Thanksgiving and Chanukah coincide....
This seems Arbitrary, at best....No big deal, albeit perhaps a bit odd...
But this COLLISION of Momentous Days got me thinking....

What are we all doing here  ?
SURVIVING ??
TRYING ???
BUILDING ???
Have we reached the CONSUMMATE, EXISTENTIAL DILEMMA ?
Is there GOLD at the end of our HOLIDAY RAINBOW ???
How are the RATES on GOLD today anyway ??

Will TURKEYS stuffed with POTATO PANCAKES really assuage the suffering of the masses ?
of the FEW perhaps ?

Are we making the BEST of a BAD situation ?
or...
Are we simply being HUMAN and finding BASIC ways
 to REJOICE and REGROUP and RECONNOITER ???

What say you ?

 

And after ALL this time....Suburbia Tomorrow....

After EVERYTHING....
After the Urban Legends....
Even after the Urban Myths  ....
After the comings and goings of cars and tables and boyfriends and parties ...
and apartments by the dozen...
of SHOULD I's...
and COULD I's....
and plants dying...
and Parents crumbling....
and sweet doggies being put to sleep...
After the Rib Roasts...
and the Whole Foods...
And the Yoga...
And the Kosher Nosh....lol
After the Bar Mitzvahs and the Weddings...
and the Funerals and the Divorces...
After the SHULS and the SCHOOLS .....
and the POOLS and the RULES......
and the Trips.......and the Music.....yeah...THE MUSIC...
After the DRAMA and the BLISS and the HEARTACHE and the UTTER CHAOS......
and after the LAUGHTER...
The TORRENTS OF PURE, UNDILUTED LAUGHTER...

When ALL is said and done....

Fay Toby Gotesman and Brendan Isaac Schneier are finally :

IN DAAA HOUUUSE......
 

JUST DESSERTS...

Funny thing.....
It seems to me that "JUST DESSERTS are neither SWEET enough...
nor JUST enough ....
to be labeled "Just Desserts"....
Nonetheless.....
Dessert is SERVED....
And is the JUST DESSERT served BEST "COLD" ????
When does the "punishment" long surpass "the crime" ?
What is RETRIBUTION ???
Is it a DIVINE ORDER ?
or...
Is it simply US beating OURSELVES over our DAFT HEADS.....
with a RED, DENSE BRICK ....
in order to somehow LOOSEN a modicum of REGRET ?
(The REGRET PARTICLE has been buried beneath SINEW and BRAIN "MATTER" for a VERY long time!)
 "EXPOSED BRICK" comes to mind somehow...

In any case, MUST we FORGIVE ourselves for MIS-DEEDS ??
for MIS-STEPS ?
Were they INDEED MIS-ANYTHINGS ????
Isn't everything EXACTLY as it should be ?
(What IDIOT said that ??)
Turkey and Stuffing and Tryptophan...
Mis-sed TRIPS to ITALY and SWITZERLAND....
AND FLORIDA !!!!
EXPOSED BRICK indeed...
Movers...Shakers....
DIATRIBE....
Assistant Rabbis...Garage Attendants...
HOLIDAYS confusing our ALREADY-SPENT capabilities....
Turkeys, in fact, stuffed with POTATO PANCAKES....
Which holiday is it again ????
Yellow Boxes and Red Books and Blue Hats....
Maserati...Benz....Whaaaat ???

And our lovely Hair...the color of Cinnamon and Nutmeg...

Yup....





 

Privacy or What ???

We ask ourselves throughout our lives....
time and time again...

Is being ALONE "LONELY"?

OR...

Is it GRAND ?

Does curling up and watching a great, old movie.>>>>> ALONE
LOSE SOMETHING without the very SPECIFIC feel of a MAN "spooning" you at the same time ?

Is COMPROMISE WISE ?
Is SHARING necessarily BETTER ???
more meaningful somehow ?

And what if the compromise is SO COMPROMISING ........
that you YOURSELF get lost in the shuffle of MEDIOCRITY ?
of GREY AREA ??

Is there room in ANYONE'S CAVE for an EQUAL ?
Or is every union really somewhat LOPSIDED,,,,,
 hence FILLING the inevitable, PREGNANT SCIZM of UNEVEN DISTRIBUTION
with words and hands and food and bathwater ???
and SEX ??

Wouldn't it be SIMPLER somehow to just HAVE the hands, food, and SEX
WITHOUT
committing to enormously HEIGHTENED LEVELS OF COMPROMISE ???

What say you ?



 

On "Judgement"...

Yes, my friends....
Like it or not....We JUDGE....
Interestingly, the concept of "JUDGEMENT" has taken on very negative connotations...

But let's face it, Watson....
We are not perpetually in a state of Savasana... (Corpse Pose)...
where we've been ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY attempting to EMPTY OURSELVES of ALL things TANGIBLE..
Life is not one big YOGA MAT...

 In reality, our ability to JUDGE is simply a human mechanism
 which serves as our Intellectual and Moral GUIDE....
OF COURSE, we judge...
We judge OTHERS on their CHOICES, their LOOKS, their TASTE, their RELATIONSHIPS...
For God's sake.....EVERYTHING we do is motivated by some level of JUDGEMENT...
And it goes without saying, (sadly, I suppose)
that we spend 150% of our time JUDGING OURSELVES...
(in most cases, pretty damn harshly!)

So...my message on this Veteran's Day, 2013 ?

Perhaps RETHINK your perception of "JUDGEMENT"...
And cut yourself a little slack......
 

A Plethora of Choices...

Too many to count...
Flying at me like Whirling Dervishes...
Houses...Castles....
A RED Roof...
A Cobblestone walkway...
Swiss Cheese...
Contests...
REALLY YOUNG MEN...
OLD-ish ones...
(with probable SAGGY TUSHIES!)
ewwww
Highlights...Lowlights...
Funky...Classic....
ELVIS COSTELLO...
KENNY ROGERS ??
Whaaat ?
Facebook...
Twitter...
Italy...
(Italy's a No-Brainer!!) 
ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS...
ENGLEWOOD PROPER....
Do I ?
Can I ?
WILL I ?
9 months to decide ?????
Like a PREGNANCY....
Is 9 months a LONG TIME ?
Or just the "bat of an eyelash"?
NOT a FALSE EYELASH...


 

The Hunt for FABULOUS....

First and foremost, let me say that JEWS DO NOT HUNT.....(fact!)
It is simply "not done", generally speaking...
Indeed, we have very strict  codes in place with regard to the most "merciful killing" of animals...
Having said all of the above....
I, MYSELF, have been involved in a HUNT as of late...
NOT a hunt for ANIMALS...Nooooo...God forbid!
Rather, a hunt for a HOUSE...
A labor-intensive, stress inducing chase to the ultimate finish line...
(The finish line being a FABULOUS HOUSE in a FABULOUS LOCATION....
with FABULOUS NEIGHBORS,,,,FABULOUS APPLIANCES....
and of course....a FABULOUSLY LOW PRICE!)
Well...
I'm here to report that the HUNT FOR FABULOUS is NOT without its problems, hindrances, and obstacles,,,,
AU CONTRAIRE...
THIS Road is chock-full of TINY, LITTLE, IDIOSYNCRATIC HOO HAA!
What COLOR is your HAIR ?
How BLUE is your BLOOD ?
What IF ...
Then WHAT ???
They are SO CAREFUL, that they end up SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT...
Hence becoming STUCK in the QUAGMIRE OF PICKYOOOONY- ness....
 STUCK, I tell you !!!!
with CHEAP FIXTURES and REALLY OLD OVENS and PLUMBING that is SO ARCHAIC
that one must, quite literally, LEAVE THE HOUSE in order to SHOWER...
Whaaaaat ???!!!